The Wussification of Dallas

D magazine’s, Trey Garrison, weighs in on the growth of the Nanny/Police State in Dallas. Our Dear Leaders on the Dallas City Council know how you should live your life. They have enlisted our local police to help you make the “right” decisions.

No minutia of daily activity is beyond the reach of these petty tyrants. Trey Garrison exposes the inanity with a roundup of verboten activities.

BICYCLES
Code Section 9-8: “A person commits an offense if he operates or rides upon a bicycle or any side car, trailer, child carrier, seat, or other device attached to a bicycle without wearing a helmet.” Code Section 9-3: “No rider of any bicycle shall remove both hands from the handlebars or feet from the pedals, or practice any acrobatic or stunt riding upon any street, nor shall any person operating a bicycle upon a street participate in any race for speed or any endurance contest.”

I took my mountain bike down to White Rock Lake, and despite egregiously riding with no helmet, no one seemed to care. Not other riders, nor the two police officers I saw. I even did the “Look ma, no hands” off and on for at least a mile or two. On the ride home, I passed four motorcyclists, all with the wind whipping through their hair. Mandatory helmets are only for bike riders, not bikers. Groups of guys in leather on hogs are a more intimidating lobby than groups of guys in spandex shorts.
REPLICA FIREARMS
Code Section 31-16 (d): “A person commits an offense if he displays or brandishes a replica firearm in any public place within the city.”

I organized a game of “capture the flag” around White Rock Lake on a Saturday afternoon in September using Airsoft replicas. Despite seeing four goobers running around in camouflage jackets shooting at each other for close to two hours, no one on the trail around the lake or hanging out in the picnic area on the northeast side seemed remotely alarmed.
ADVERTISING
Code Section. 3-1(a): “It shall be unlawful for any person to … wear any costume for the purpose of attracting attention of the public.” Code Section. 3-2: “No person shall operate or park a vehicle on a street nor shall the owner of a vehicle permit the vehicle to be operated or parked on a street for the primary purpose of advertising.”
SLEEPING IN PUBLIC
Code Section 31-13 (a)(1): “A person commits an offense if he sleeps or dozes in a street, alley, park, or other public place.”

Remember that spring afternoon you played Frisbee with the dog in the park and then dozed off while your honey read a book under a shady tree? Scofflaw!
SOLICITATION FOR SODOMY-NOT FOR HIRE
Code Section 31-19(a): “In this section SODOMY [ed: their caps] means any contact between the genitals of one person and the mouth or anus of another person.” Code Section 31-19 (b): “A person commits an offense if he solicits another in a public place to engage with him in sodomy not
for hire.”

That means what you think it means. If you’re in a bar or on a sidewalk and you even ask a stranger, your significant other, or even your spouse for a special favor, even one to be granted later, in the comfort of your own home, you just committed a crime. No, this isn’t about prostitution–that’s a whole different section.
SOLICITING FOR OBSCENE CONDUCT-NOT FOR HIRE
Code Section 31-20(a): “In this section OBSCENE CONDUCT means the touching or displaying of the anus or any part of the genitals of another person or the breast of a female.” Code Section 31-20(b): “A person commits an offense if he solicits another person in a public place to engage with him in obscene conduct not for hire.”

And here you get in trouble just for asking to get to third base.
POOLS
Code Section 43A-8(b): “A diving board or platform must not be placed more than three meters above the water level without approval of the [city].”

Yes, this includes private swimming pools. You have to ask permission of City Hall to have a high dive. And no Dallas city pools have them anymore, either.
SIDEWALKS
Code Section 43-5: “No person shall, by loud talking, unusual acts or exhibitions, attract a crowd on any sidewalk or refuse to desist when requested to do so by any police or other officer.”
TAXI DRIVERS
Code Section 45-4.5(a)(1): “A [taxi] driver may not wear cut-offs or shorts … .”
Seriously.

Honestly, if you could choose any 12 people to help you make important life decisions, would you choose anyone on the Dallas City council? It’s time to separate adults into two categories, those who can handle freedom and desire liberty, and those who need politicians to guide them through the day.

Update: Trey slays the idols and strawmen of the nanny statists.