Have you ever wondered why gang members don’t sell sex toys?

Scene: Texas Senate sometime in the past
Senator Genius: The people in my district are scared about gang members.
Senator Einstein: Interesting. My constituents are concerned with the threat of dildo sales.
Senator Genius: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Senator Einstein: A ban on gang members selling sex toys! Brilliant!
Senator Genius: My only regret, is that we can only pass this law once.

I should have realized that by making obscene devices illegal, the black market in sex toys would flourish and criminal street gangs would fill the demand. Fortunately, Texans have long been protected from this menace.

This brings us to our Texas Law of the Day- Penal Code Section 71.02(a). Politically, this is the perfect Texas law. 71.02(a) combines the public’s fear of gangs, with our state’s Victorian sexual mores. Fear and chastity are the peanut butter and jelly of Texas legislation. It’s political gold!

(a) A person commits an offense if… as a member of a criminal street gang, the person commits or conspires to commit one or more of the following:….
(6) any unlawful wholesale promotion or possession of any obscene material or obscene device with the intent to wholesale promote the same;

I am ready to declare 71.02 (a)(6) the most effective law of all time. I have never seen a single arrest or prosecution for this offense. The only street dealers for adult products are housewifes at “passion partys”; not Crips.

Forget the high toned debates over “deterrence”. The minute this law was passed every gang banger in the Lone Star state grabbed a copy of the Penal Code and realized; trafficking in lascivious devices is wrong. Our Texas gang members have taken the moral high road when it comes to street commerce; drug dealing. We won!

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3 responses to “Have you ever wondered why gang members don’t sell sex toys?”

  1. Don Dickson says:

    Thank you to my buddy Grits for linking to this, I haven’t laughed this hard since I-don’t-know-when!

  2. John says:

    OK, you win. Texas does, indeed, have stupider legislators than does New York. I never thought it possible, but, apparently, it is.

    Back here in the big, bad, East, we hear that everything is big in Texas. I guess that holds true for the stupidity of its lawmakers.

    Of course, we could all be wrong on this. There might be some place in Texas where Crips and Bloods are having savage duels with dildoes. {What an image! Ugh,}

  3. Patrick says:

    At least the legisalture only meets once every two years.

    Limits the damage they can do.

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