I’ll hire Michael Phelps

The greatest Olympian of this decade is losing endorsement deals over cannabis use. I have a paltry ad budget, but I am willing to dedicate 100% of those funds to hiring Michael Phelps. Perhaps I could hire Michael to swim the Trinity with a Robert Guest.com speedo.

Michael, you are still an American hero. You have nothing to apologize for. Millions of Americans, including the current and two former Presidents, have partaken in the recreational use of cannabis.

I’m proud to defend cannabis consumers, and I would be proud to extend an endorsement deal to someone with firsthand knowledge of the illogical persecution they face. Shame on the bureaucratic fools who would exploit this situation for political gain. Shame on companies like Kelloggs who would abandon you. And shame on the asshat who sold your photo to the tabloids.

The continuing tragedy of cannabis prohibition can benefit from comedic commentary. On that note, here is a “really?” bit by Seth Meyers.

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3 responses to “I’ll hire Michael Phelps”

  1. Radley’s letter hit it right on the head Robert. I can’t believe people work themselves up in such a lather over someone who chooses to put a substance in their body. I think the REAL reason people are ticked off about it, is because Michael Phelps is the antithesis of what every drug program had told us we would turn into by even trying marijuana one time.

    I remember the DARE program as a kid (I feel OLD, having typed that). I remember hearing how we needed to be on the lookout for drug dealers, because they’d give us free samples of drugs, just to get us hooked on them, so they could make a ton of money. I’ve met quite a drug dealer or two in my time, and I’ve never met one offering “free samples”.

    But, Michael Phelps, greatest swimmer alive, shatters the perception of the bumbling, socially awkward pothead.

    I can’t believe that in this economy, and era of lack of government accountability, we’re stressing over a 23 year old pot smoker.

    I tell you, I’d be disappointed if Michael Phelps were injecting himself with HGH or some steroid. Him smoking pot just lets me know he’s human, and not a swimming T-1000. Sorry for the rant.

  2. Don Foard says:

    Well, he’s not a good example, don’t you see. Old, flabby, cigar smoking Republicans, now that’s a different story. We need to strive to be like them, not some incredibly fit, self-disciplined, world champion athlete, who (gasp) smoked pot.

  3. An issue overlooked here has to do with those challenged by ADHD and associated co-morbid disorders. Such individuals, due to the basic nature of many neuro-biological/developmental conditions, are renown for behaving impulsively. They tend to act before thinking. The can easily get “carried away” in all sorts of situations. The impulse (i.e. action) is their cart before their horse (i.e. thinking). Being able to reflect upon consequences prior to manifesting a particular behavior is the brain-based challenge they face. Impulsive behavior is not willful, premeditated, ill-intended or deliberate.

    This is neither about defending nor castigating impulsive behavior. Rather it’s about understanding the nature and the accompanying dynamics of these conditions. I refer you to an article entitled Impulsivity, Consequences and the Brain on my website: http://www.garryearles.com.

    I dare suggest that the punitive, criminal justice system interventions do little toward fostering any sincere appreciation and understanding of these types of individuals. To them, it is about people behaving badly. They falsely believe that the punishment they inflict will effect behavioral changes and make a “bad kid” into a “good kid,” once they learn their lesson, of course.

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